Sunday Thoughts about Transition

I just drove from Stillwater to Northfield again, through valleys and hills to farmland, and while driving, I thought and thought and thought about the world. What I couldn't believe, again, is how connected everything is to everything else. God makes the world rich with promise.

Jenna came to visit, and this is something I love. It's a very familiar thing to have her over, first of all because she is my sister and we grew up together, but also because she lived with me a few years ago during the summer. Jenna and I are both the same inside and yet completely opposite in how this is expressed to the world. We spent long hours talking about very ridiculous and serious things over coffee, and this weekend a theme was definitely about vocation. Jenna just finished the hardest semester of college, and she made it through. She is going to be a nurse! And a good one too.


I want to talk about people throughout history and she wants to talk about medical procedures and how to go about doing them well. For this reason, conversation went from catheters (gross) to Reformation history (awesome). Sometimes it can clash, but I make sure to hear her out, and she does the same for me. She told me that hearing me talking about the national boundaries in Europe was like nails on a chalkboard. There was a connection to our conversation...it didn't just come out of nowhere. Because Jenna is a kindred spirit and a timeless friend, I'll hear about the portacath and needles and try not to barf when she tells me about her day too.

No offense, medical professionals. And thank you for your contributions to the world.

When I was driving to Northfield, I thought about church. I started going to a new church in the last few months, and it is a place where things clicked. And I will admit that it's nice to be in a church that is outside of Stillwater. All I have to do is drive across the river and there I am. This is one of the songs we sang today.





"There are so few words that never grow old."

Jesus - that really is a word that never does grow old. It's grace and peace and life to me. I was really struck by these lyrics when we sang them today because sometimes words really DO grow old. Words like grades and curriculum (for their meaning right about this time of year), and respite and data (because I never know how to say them properly - and the idea that you can say it both ways is kind of annoying to me). But the name of Jesus is never old, and it always endures.


Side note.

"If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village;
If you would know, and not be known, live in a city." - Alfred Lord Tennyson


This is one of most profound things I've discovered in the last few years. Last week I smelled some flowers when I was on a walk with Jenna, and the next day two students came up to me and asked me if it really was me. It was. Grocery stores, smelling flowers, same neighborhoods, sitting by the river, church. It's all there.


More about church. When I first moved to Stillwater, I went to church and there were students and their families there too. I wasn't trying to hide my life, and I wanted to go to church where I lived. But I was searching to understand the ways that you live in a small town and just are the teacher wherever you go. Sometimes I am not just Jessica. And I don't have a dual life, but Miss Christians has found a place at St. Croix Prep, and students see just that. Lots of teachers don't live in town for that reason. It's nice to have separation. There are pros and cons here.

For a while, when I was only feeling like Miss Christians and nothing more (and clearly wanted to be more) I went to church in the city. But it wasn't where I live, and I like my geographic location. So, discovering a church in Hudson, WI has been a breath of fresh air.

And I've grown into this role a little too. The people I met and worshiped with at the first church were just as loving and intentional about church as the people are who I see now. It was me. I'm more comfortable with the endless and obvious teacher life in a small town.

And, no surprise here, I saw students at the little church, I saw them at the church in St. Paul, and I see them now at church in Hudson. But now it's very normal. I've decided it's nice to be known, and when I feel like holing up and being an introvert who doesn't have to initiate and be 'on' all of the time, I stay home or visit friends in other places. When I don't care, I invite my friends over, and see these people and it's good. Because those people are good, and they've welcomed me and loved me as I've lived my life here.

What I've found with church in Hudson is that now these students who I see are in high school. And they recognize and acknowledge that I have a life outside of teaching. And, to be honest, that has been surprising and gratifying. I did not expect this of them, but they're now welcoming me, and surprising me, and reminding me that I did choose people in the St. Croix Valley every day of the week. Not just during school.

There are lots of changes coming in the next few weeks. And it's a time of transition. Cannon Falls to Connecticut, Sioux Falls to Madison, Stillwater to Budapest, Chicago to New York City (or another part of Chicago - time will tell), Minneapolis to Iraq, Princeton to Chaska, Lake Mills to Algona, etc. The idea is clear. People are moving. Life is shifting. Isn't that a crazy amount of transition? And it's not even all of the people I know who are moving around. I am feeling close to them in these transitions.

The big change for me is school ending. Books returned to me, end of the year projects, yearbooks, grading, the D.C. trip. I want to do these things well. And I also want to find my friends again. The quest I have for part of this summer is spend time with the kindred spirits I love who have been faithful in friendship to me in a very busy time of life. I hate when people are shifted and moved in response to day to day tasks. People are much more important to me. But grading must be done (it must this time of year, and with certain timing), bills must be paid, meetings must be attended. The point is, my brain is operating in a hazy, weary mode, but it's very keenly aware of certain details that depend on me alone.

Pesky details like making sure we have a bus to get us to the airport at 7 am, and that people really do know in Washington D.C. that I am bringing a few people along who are allergic to peanuts.

For now, I am thankful for the busy blending with the 'stop and breathe', new adventures really coming into focus for all of my favorite people, and the perspective for the meantime.