Say Thank You and Grow

I'm learning a lot of things lately. 

Not about teaching.   And not about history.

This takes up so, so much of my life throughout the year.  But now I'm studying the world without the teacher lens and it's been refreshing and interesting.  This summer I can see again that the nice part of growing up is figuring things out faster and landing somewhere solid more often because you know yourself differently.  I am liking (no, loving) the time to figure things out in different ways.

I do not claim to be living in a constant self-discovery right now (really I do not), but something is coming back to me, over and over again, and I can feel it.  Some sort of patience I had not previously had before this summer has come to me, and it makes me think about all of the thousands of movies and books I've encountered and conversations I've had with my own people who have told me that this happens.  So I see something new in patience, in my family, in how I deal with my money, in how I approach knowledge and understanding, in cooking, how I spend my time, in books, in people.... 

In the end, these are what make up your days and your life. 



The book Bittersweet 's a book I've mentioned before. It's still a book I love.  This author knits words together that make total sense to me.  She also makes ordinary things wonderful to read about.  An entire chapter in this book logs the meals she ate when she was walking through trying seasons.  Not the angle you'd expect but an intriguing one.  It brings you right to the rest of the story but you never see it coming.  Another chapter is called 'Twenty-five' and talks about all of the things she learned at that age.  Another one talks about the things she does and does not do.  Making your own list like that is freeing.*  Then there is a chapter called 'Sea Dreaming', which is as lovely as it sounds, even though it's laced with the reality of good byes. 

When I wrote about this book a few months ago, I mentioned that she discusses the honesty we encounter when we swallow the sweet and the bitter things in our own stories.  It's hard to accept and deal with because it's not ever comfortable.  You go through things, not around them, no matter how hard you try.  But in the prologue, there was more.  I came back to it today and I read it over and over again because it encased so much so well.  And it is exactly where I am in the push and pull that has come to my life for the past few years as well.  It's what I am still working to fully, fully understand.  

So...Shauna Niequist thoughts, everyone...page 13 in the book...

"This collection is an ode to all things bittersweet, to life at the edges, a love letter to what change can do in us.  This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it is incredibly painful, exponentially so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be.  So this is the work I'm doing now, and the work I invite you into:

When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.  When life is bitter, say thank you and grow." 

 




* An off the cuff list concerning this chapter...despite obvious faults and flaws, a list like this really does give you permission to, as Marcus Aurelius said, 'seem what you really are.'  This is a very nice thing.

Things I Do

• I recycle.
• I write lots of e-mails.
• I celebrate birthdays.
• I keep up with pen pals.
• I take pictures of all kinds of moments in life.
• I play piano.
• I write in a journal.
• I buy seasons of television shows I like without a second thought.  (Not other things though.)
• I stop and smell flowers (especially petunias, lilacs, and peonies because I LOVE them!)
• I go on road trips on a whim.
• I go camping.
• I give people the time of day.
• I drink coffee with cream AND without it.
• I try to be a minimalist and avoid clutter in the house.
• I do yoga.
• I get up early.
• I support my family.
• I floss and get regular check ups (which was oddly a really big deal for me the year I couldn't do this as a substitute teacher.  I don't know why except that I really do believe my dentist when they say dental health is important.  And I know a lot about the terrible conditions of George Washington's teeth.  It was gross.  For a long time.) 
• I host.

Things I Don't Do

• I don't bake often (or with confidence).
• I don't quilt.
• I don't collect things.
• I don't obsess about what my wedding will be like.
• I don't anticipate making a lot of money.
• I don't eat Oreos.
• I don't sing out loud in the car very often when other people are around (but I do when they aren't there).
• I don't emcee for big events (even though everyone initially expects that I would want to).
• I don't run marathons.
• I don't clean like a perfectionist would.
• I don't build things (easily or willingly).
• I don't write things down in a planner.
• I don't navigate my way through the city very well.
• I don't count calories.
• I don't watch horror movies.
• I don't arrive early.
• I don't write dramatic things about my personal life on facebook.
• I don't do power struggles.
• I don't do elementary school. (This role, when I have been the teacher, stresses me out inside to no end - serious kudos to elementary teachers everywhere.)