Post-Reckoning

I am really enjoying teaching these days.  It's the part of the year when certain things click, and in addition to that, the dynamics of both classes and larger grade levels continue to be fascinating and eye opening.  Sometimes this blog has become more of a discussion for loss than I had first anticipated it would be.  But I am gaining so much in life too.  I woke up today and wanted to share that.

Before Christmas, students and teachers are learning the ropes.  I make myself stay very diligent with expectations, follow through, and my own style just like everyone says you should (except I DO smile before Christmas, thank you very much) and then one day something changes and teaching that bunch of people gets a little easier.  I have learned to eagerly anticipate the day that something unthaws a little and it becomes really naturally fun to be with them, and I don't have to give myself pep talks inside because they feel awkward saying hi to me.  Dialogue is more more meaningful.  Or personalities fill the room.  Or something.  There is some moment of reckoning, and then something changes. 

I love this about teaching.




Every year it comes on a different day, and in a different moment.  I think it's a blend of students beginning to really, really trust you, and rapport showing up in the hallways (and not just with the outgoing kids), and seeing that the kids are really hitting their own pace with the things you expect of them.  It's really not about the teacher, it's about the kids.  Lots of teaching is not really ever about the teacher. 

I have pushed these people this year, and I have seen that I know how to do this systematically and for a good cause that sees beyond 8th grade.  I've been kind about it, but there have been times when I have thought internally, "Is this too much?" And I make myself hold the line, and have direct conversations about poor work.  And then I encourage them over and over when I have found something that isn't a false word in front of them.  And then kids show up and wow me. 

Maybe this moment I'm talking about that gives so much flow comes in the simple moment when a teacher says, 'You really can do this, and I think you're going to do this really well' and they believe us.  It's kind of thrilling for me.  I think when I was a younger teacher I might not have known that this is what I was looking for.

There's always the trenchy side of middle school....the timeless 'I feel weird today' and 'I hope I don't get bullied when I turn the corner' and 'I forgot my homework and I feel like a failure'.  There's attitude and you're shorter than the high schoolers and you don't know why you can't drive yet or why your parents are, as one kid so eloquently put it, 'insane'.  But there are good things too.  I'm not forgetting the trenchy underbelly of this existence, but I'm celebrating the good I see.

A short list of what is good in middle school...
- Kids actually share more of their real personality.  They want to talk in the morning and they aren't so timid in class.
- When I start class and ask them, 'How are you today?' I actually get a real answer.
- I can now stay sitting at my desk and if something is amiss across the room, I only have to look up and say smoething in a normal voice, and it changes.  SO MUCH ENERGY SAVED! 
- I really like teaching from the second half of both textbooks.  We are now hitting that point.
- Anticipation for the D.C. trip is getting more and more exciting every day.
- Silence with people you are comfortable with becomes really golden.
- The students aren't afraid to wonder in front fo me.  Yesterday a student asked a question about foreign policy that wowed me (there were a few like that) and it's more of the 'why do you think that things happened like that?'  One question brought us to Truman, and we spent time talking about the Truman Balcony at the White House.  It's a very interesting story. 
Ok, one more short thing.

A former student came back to  see me this week, and wanted to reminisce about old times.  I love old times!  In this conversation I learned just how many students were texting under the desk in my first year of teaching.  This kid thought I was being really nice to let them do it.  Then he said that the next year I wasn't as nice, 'no offense though'.  WHAT?

It was the first I had ever heard about it.   I decided it was hilarious, and very much a part of my first year of teaching.  They have no IDEA how much I was faking my way through learning the book together and pretended not to miss things. 

Oh reminiscing.