Deep Down Happy

This summer I have been hidden, a little removed, and far away.  On purpose.  It is the bliss of the teaching life to cease striving in the world of education for a little while.  Soon it returns to me. 

This summer I have had loads of writers block. And I've traveled to see old friends and I've done lots of new things too.  And I've cleaned.  And I've grown up a little more.  And I've faced things squarely that might have been hidden or held residue in the business of the school year.

When you really face yourself in the quiet of a summer day, the real true you sometimes needs to be reckoned with.  I will say that this has been awkward for me...to really think about things I've carried in my mind, the clutter that holds a fog that doesn't need to be there.  The messages I share internally that propel or hinder.  Amidst this, the questioning, the perspective changing, the reckoning, beautifully, there has also been rest. 

In the far away, abstract, summer reaches of my mind, I have seen again that this is growing up. 

Friday Paradox and Surprise

Tonight I am going to tell you a story about a surprising thing that happened to me tonight.  But first, a necessary prologue.

I have recently been making a point to notice what I like about people I encounter in the world. 

Mostly this applies to the new ones, not people I've known for years.  And generally, it catches me by surprise and I like it.  I think it's either how you carry yourself or how the stranger next to you perceives you, but there is a good connection, and you are talking.  I find that I like how this shifts the weight and feel of my world.

Not, however, tonight.

Tonight I met someone who really creeped me out, for a few obvious reasons, and then for some that really seemed vague and indescribable.  I acknowledged the obvious and also paid attention to the other sense that said 'Welcome to Creepsville.'   And I think I'm writing about it so I can quit feeling kind of suffocated.  Or to get my skin to stop crawling.

I guess it starts with the semi-embarrasing admission that I went to go to 'Ice Age: Continental Drift' in theaters.  I saw the previews, thought the jokes were funny, and on a whim, decided to go.

Unthawed

            For a while now I have been talking about July being a time of respite from the world.  Breathing room for the deep cleaning that didn’t happen this spring when my world was everything middle school.  And now it is July and I am back at home, actually with no plans to go anywhere too far as I just learned yesterday that my car needs a major repair.   It is time to buckle down and clean.

            The car situation is disappointing, but whatever, it will get fixed and will work out somehow.  I work with fair car people, and that is always a great relief.  The owner of the shop used to be an engineer with NASA and really likes working with machines, so he explains things really well.  Every time.  But he doesn’t over explain himself….he expects you to have a brain and be following along.  Sometimes when I go to this place I find that I am very grateful for any experience I have with my extended family in Iowa. 

A New Look at an Old Word

Home.  The dear old place.  I have finally returned to Stillwater after two weeks of going wherever the wind took me.  It's very nice to live spontaneously.  I think I'm getting better at it.   But it is now nice to be home.

Here's a story in my life that hints of a lack of spontaneity (and a lot of inner tragedy too).   Five years ago I went to Glacier National Park in Montana, and I was offered a job on the spot at a little cafe overlooking the nicest place I've ever seen in my life.  They needed help, I was there, and I had half of my fellow travelers telling me to take the job, and the other half reminding me of home.  (And my stupid job at the bead store, counting beads all day and listening to Norah Jones and watering the plants because I wasn't good at helping artsy people find their next new inspiration).