Last night I received the terrible news that someone I knew and loved had died. For the sake of grief and time and a thousand private thoughts, I'm refraining from sharing overly much here. But I will say that it is loss of family in the 'walking-around life' of a close friend. I am feeling this from all sides.
Death is so shocking. I say that no matter what you feel you can expect, it always shocks you. Our relationship to life and death is juxtaposed, and learning about this in my 20s has been a raw lesson.
Besides all of that, I am aching for my friend. So today prayers sound like 'keep breathing, keep moving' because grief gives you tunnel-vision for a while, and 'keep breathing' is the only thing that makes sense. People who have gotten close to this kind of thing know what I mean.
Still, despite the take-your-breath-away kind of awfulness of it all, I still have this hope of glory. This story of Jesus who loved and died and lived again that tells me that there is more.
God is still holy.
God is still enough.
A song like 'Vapor' is perspective-building, mind-clearing, loud-and-alive kind of stuff for me on this gloomy Friday. Amidst a thousand pounds of teacher busy work, it sits by me and reminds me of mysterious things only God could imagine for His people. Like broken things being renewed. Lives in communion with the Maker who made them. Wonderful things in this world to learn about and see and enjoy. The hope of glory.
The Spirit of God sorts it out the sad prayers His people pray too, which is a refining, humbling thing in itself.
Keep breathing? Ok, I will.
And then I see that like the grief that rests in this day, I still feel the good things from all sides too.
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