It's the end of a busy week in April, and I've been quiet.
No social media. No rushing through traffic to meet appointments. No rigid pressure on myself that was never supposed to be there. More this week I was the glorious mess I always am, and it felt ok.
On Sunday I looked my life square in the face and said, 'You teach middle school. They're challenging sometimes, exhausting others, and also fascinating and hilarious. They're draining. Take better care of yourself.' I gave myself a talking to, asked people I loved for advice, and then listened to them.
Writing has been strange for me lately, like something meant for other people, or something too far away to be enjoyed. But I have just returned from a walk, and whatever was stuck became loose again.
Finally. Finally I remembered it was first to understand the world, little old me and my story with God. Second of all, everything else.
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I spent an hour in my neighborhood, thinking and then not thinking about this crazy world and what it feels like to be mixed up in it. I walked and breathed and ambled in peace.
Away from all the people I knew, anonymity was a welcome relief. I love to be known, but I love to be a stranger too. This is the appeal of travel, because dwelling amidst other strangers gives your mind room for thought.
But then I thought about the shape of of my life, and what has fashioned it to be what it is. Right now in this moment on this day. I am healthy. I am grateful. I have people I love and many things which fill my days. (Many.) I am constantly working and reworking and then resting and resting again in the idea of balance this year. I've regained again the inner introvert who did not have much of a fighting chance with the schedule I used to live. I have slowed down, but not settled down. I think there is a difference.
It's the end of a busy week in April, and I've been quiet. 