Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Quelled

Life is overwhelming this week.  And I have just tried about seven or eight times to put words together to explain this.  It’s not working.  Nevertheless, these thoughts and words must eventually rest in some place.   I woke up with a canker sore this morning and remembered that this is the beginning of my own personal version of complete shut down.   I have a mind that turns and turns, and in the meantime, connects one thing to everything else, and sometimes knowing logical things about history just sucks. 

For example, when I learned about the explosions about Boston, one side of me was horrified.  My best friend was two blocks away from it.  The other was logically beginning to see that social media of this time brings the stressful information to you live, as it’s happening, and the news stations can’t even promise anything won’t be graphic.  I thought of Mathew Brady’s art gallery of war during the Civil War.  Or television coverage during Vietnam.  What a shock to our collective system.  



This is the emotion and logic living side by side that I wrote about before.  Sometimes, obviously though, it is just too much thought for the present, real, hard to understand moment.  The order of the day then becomes, on some level, to find the filter and shut this down.   

Monday was a complete shock.  I am grateful though to say that one of my closest friends ran the Boston Marathon, and she is safe.  I continue to look to Jesus.  I’m also grateful for Mr. Rogers’ mom who said this great thing about people who help in tragedy. Who knows when she really said that, but it’s spreading like wildfire right now.   

Yesterday I proctored standardized tests for six hours.  With middle schoolers.  The day ended with a discipline issue and a visit to the principal. Super fun.  (Not.)  I do not like it when teachers complain over and over and over about standardized testing.  But I will just say it is completely mind-numbing. I am going to do my very best today to go with the flow for seven more hours.  And think sunny thoughts despite the great suspension of the muck of March.    

In an effort to quell internal dissonance, I will finally instead think these thoughts.






















































































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