5Ws in Honor of Ariane

A few days ago, one of my best friends had a birthday.  We went out to dinner with a few friends and talked about the year and whatever was current.  In earlier posts, I have mentioned Ariane while describing styles of the 90s.  Those unfortunate styles!  And, as before stated, there really is nothing like someone who knew you when you were 12. 

Ariane has the planner brain and I do not. At least not naturally....see earlier posts about having to repeat details to myself about peanut allergies for the D.C. trip.  Sometimes this can clash, but mostly it's a very easy part of our friendship.  When she feels like planning something, I step back and watch her work her magic.  When she needs to pause that side of herself and delve into a conversation that brings to light really abstract realities, I can conjure that up for her.   It sounds crazy to say it, but Ariane and I learned a lot about drugs together without actually doing drugs in the course of our friendship.  And this is the story I'd like to tell in honor of her birthday and being friends for literally half of our lives.  

Sunday Thoughts about Transition

I just drove from Stillwater to Northfield again, through valleys and hills to farmland, and while driving, I thought and thought and thought about the world. What I couldn't believe, again, is how connected everything is to everything else. God makes the world rich with promise.

Jenna came to visit, and this is something I love. It's a very familiar thing to have her over, first of all because she is my sister and we grew up together, but also because she lived with me a few years ago during the summer. Jenna and I are both the same inside and yet completely opposite in how this is expressed to the world. We spent long hours talking about very ridiculous and serious things over coffee, and this weekend a theme was definitely about vocation. Jenna just finished the hardest semester of college, and she made it through. She is going to be a nurse! And a good one too.

Missing Kari

Last year this week felt horrific, and tonight I'm remembering the life changing things that happened with my friends when we learned about Kari's accident.  I am mulling over things that are hard to dissect and talk about.  And I talk a lot, so not knowing how to communicate what lingers under the surface is truly uncomfortable.  These things have stayed with me during the entire year she's been gone. 

How could it have been a year that we lived without Kari?  We were so used to her contributions to our lives in the day to day.  That feels like it's been absent for such a long time.  And yet her life has felt close.  She's in our memories and those constant things that don't go away.  The things that we did with her haven't necessarily gone away.   Now we stop and say, "It feels like Kari should be here."  And then there is a silence that is bittersweet.  Usually someone remembers something very good about her.  And then your stomach drops a little again, like you're on a roller coaster, and there is a double meaning to everything. 

Bittersweet has lots of double meanings. 

May 20th Hallmark Card from Dad

In about an hour it will be May 20, and then it will be my birthday.  I'm excited to be 26 and see what new adventures will happen in life around me.  People I love are kind and generous and have already been celebrating with me this week and that is what is fun about a birthday.   LIFE and people in it.   

My dad sent me an e-card tonight.  Talk about the best birthday card ever.  This is a scene that I rewind because I love it so much.  There's nothing like Jim and Dwight planning a birthday party.  See below.

Thanks, Dad!

http://www.hallmark.com/PickUp/PickUpPage?a=11999987066310M567544427Y&Product_id=

Thinking Back to Life in the '40s

This weekend, as before stated, I did a whole lot of nothing.  That's not true because I did do things, but I let my mind rattle around and figure out what it needed to figure out, and that's truly not possible sometimes on a busy day as a teacher.  Written, that looks kind of terrible.  I don't have time to figure things out?  Maybe instead it should be that there is an ebb and flow to our lives, and sometimes we are in sync with it, and other times we need to dial back and find it again.

Pause.  In the last sentence, I wrote 'in sync', and I mostly thought of 'N Sync' as I wrote it.  Are we a generation of people who really did grow up thinking it truly was spelled the way the boy band claimed it?  I remember the moment I knew otherwise, and unfortunately I think it was when I was in college.

Unshun.  Shun.  Unshun.  Ha  ha.  That's a Dwight Shrute thing.   As I'm writing, clearly in a stream of consciousness form this morning, I am seeing that the rested brain truly is still a random one.  I hope I can convey information to the kids today in a semi-normal manner.

Very Good Things

I have decided in this post to make a list of the very good things that have possibly been overshadowed by clouds and this terribly schlucky weather.  We've been waking up hearing very repetitive predictions for the forecast.  At first it was straightforward, and now I can tell they're trying to make something varied.  Last week they said, "You're going to want to carry an umbrella in your hand all day today."  I admired the creativity, but I did not like the cloud coverage again. 

In happier news, the tree outside my desk window has bloomed, and I've been attentive enough to really see it this year.   A good desk near a window is one of my favorite things.  I would do well to not forget that as my life continues because the times I lived most inspired have been when I have shoved the desk to the window.  I would never do this if I lived on the ground level, but I have the luxury of a 3rd floor existence right now.   

Writing on the Lamplit Porch

"Come out of the bustlings, you who are bustling."

I thought of this quote by George Fox tonight because it felt important.  I put myself in front of God - no distractions, and as much of me as I could in an honest way - and I only felt that I needed to rest.  I've been feeling peace in my bones lately and it has moored me to a self I would rather be, and reminded me of Jesus at the most surprising times.  There could be a thousand little things happening in front of me, but it's secondary to the peace.  Again, I feel grateful.

I've decided that spring finally feels like it's here to stay.  A few days ago I was relishing the sentiment by Mark Twain that said, "In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours."  I thought of this because I was feeling shirked.  Is that the best word for it?  I usually roll with the punches concerning the weather, and spend more time secretly amused and relieved by fellow Minnesotans in their continual habit of discussing this first in general conversation.  But last week I felt shifty leaving my house.  Kind of duped and ticked off all at once.  I wasn't in the mood to revel in the wind, rain, and everything in between.  Having outside recess duty for Quarter 4 has something to do with this love/hate relationship I am sure. 

But I think that spring is (mostly) here to stay.

5 Things

First thing. 

Today I decided that if my soul had a specific style, it would be at the 4th grade level.  Every day I walk out of our school near the 4th grade classrooms, and I stop to admire their creativity.  It's eye catching work!   

I think this age group is really uninhibited and they have enough skills to catch a project and go somewhere with it at a very individual level.  I really like that.  Much of my day with students is spent reminding them to be themselves.  People are scared to be themselves sometimes when they are 13.  Or is that in life in general?  But every day I am bolstered by the story about the ninja iguana and the ice cream cone with a name.  One is just called 'Susan's Adventure'.  As you can imagine, the 4th grade girl population has also joined together to make a lot of projects about puppies.  They are all cute.  I like the 4th grade artists. 

A Quote with Coffee

"Most things which are urgent are not important,

and most things which are important are not urgent."
- Dwight Eisenhower

Push and Pull

Confession:
Today much of my little world felt chaotic.  I did not feel pulled together in any shape or form at all.  

Evidence that contributed to this feeling: 
....losing my credit card, being 'that person' in the checkout line later in the day with my debit card (I went home and got the checkbook), sitting on empty in traffic on 94, standardized testing, left out students, perpetual winter (that's true for everyone right now)...those are the small things that happened today. 

Chalk it up as experience or adaptable living or pure unpolished adventuring...whatever it was, it wasn't comfortable.