Friday Paradox and Surprise

Tonight I am going to tell you a story about a surprising thing that happened to me tonight.  But first, a necessary prologue.

I have recently been making a point to notice what I like about people I encounter in the world. 

Mostly this applies to the new ones, not people I've known for years.  And generally, it catches me by surprise and I like it.  I think it's either how you carry yourself or how the stranger next to you perceives you, but there is a good connection, and you are talking.  I find that I like how this shifts the weight and feel of my world.

Not, however, tonight.

Tonight I met someone who really creeped me out, for a few obvious reasons, and then for some that really seemed vague and indescribable.  I acknowledged the obvious and also paid attention to the other sense that said 'Welcome to Creepsville.'   And I think I'm writing about it so I can quit feeling kind of suffocated.  Or to get my skin to stop crawling.

I guess it starts with the semi-embarrasing admission that I went to go to 'Ice Age: Continental Drift' in theaters.  I saw the previews, thought the jokes were funny, and on a whim, decided to go.




Did you know that I like to go to the movies by myself? I think it's cozy (...or I USED to).  Lots of people are really bothered by this.  But I say that no one in a theater is thinking you're that weird.   If you waltz into lots of places confidently, people think you know what you're doing more often than you do.   You don't have to talk to anybody and you feel anonymous too.   Win win (win). 

Tonight, when I was heading confidently into the movie theater, I saw two guys standing outside the doors.  One of them threw something on the ground about 10 feet away from him.  And my internal thought was, 'Really, society?'  He was around my age and acting like he was 14.  Awesome.  I think I gave him a 'teacher look' without even knowing it, which I have realized again can be a lot more withering than I first intend.   I think it says 'You get two extra seconds to figure out why this is wrong before I come over there. '   And that is sometimes necessary for class, but not on a Friday night.  Not pre-'Ice Age: Contintental Drift'.   And generally not for Jessica in July.

He called out, 'Don't worry, I'm going to pick it up', and hearing this from a complete stranger  jolted me back to where I was and it made me laugh out loud at my own intensity.  (Who am I to say, 'Really, society?' in my mind anyway?)   I kept walking.

But those guys followed me in to the theater.

This is not the love for spontaneity I was talking about in an earlier post.  And this is the part of the story where I remember something else about my life.  When I try to flirt, nothing's right.  When I don't try to flirt, I don't realize it's the very thing I've begun to do.  It's a very awkward paradox for me.  Someone once told me it's charming, but I don't agree with them at all.   Basically I was clueless until I was further in this than I wanted to be.  

During the previews someeone touched my arm and I thought it was accidental, and from one of the many nearby 4th graders.  Then it happened again and I turned, and saw the guy from outside.  He introduced himself to me, and asked me if I was alone (which I outrightly admitted to though the feeling of entering Creepsville had already started) and then he invited me to move back and sit with him and his friend. 

Enter the 'stigma that you can't sit alone at a movie theater and be normal' becoming a 'line'.  (Thanks, world.  Even the ticket lady asked me if anyone else was coming along....nope.)  And it wasn't until I was moved back that I realized I didn't have to be that nice.  And I didn't want to sit by them.  

Knowing my real thoughts two seconds too late gave him a very different impression of me.  He told me he thought I had a cute smile (I was thinking, 'I wasn't smiling at YOU, I was laughing at MYSELF' but I didn't say this) and then invited me to dinner.  He offered to buy me things.  And asked about my weekend plans.  After all of this, he assured me he wasn't trying to be 'some suave guy'.  (And that's when I thought, 'If you have to say it, it isn't true.') 

Once again in life, this statement is very real.   

 I tried to be casual and figured I was fine since there were those 4th graders and their families everywhere.  But alarms were going off inside, and everything he said felt like a lie.  
I really haven't felt like that for a long time. 

In a full theater, sitting next to someone creepy isn't that big of a deal.  But after the movie, I wanted to be clear with him and get away ASAP.  Mission accomplished.  I said good night, went to the bathroom, stayed there a few minutes longer than normal, and then slipped out the side door.  He was waiting at the front door.   I took an alternate route to my car, looked purposeful, and was even prepared to ask for mall security to walk me to my car if I saw him again. 

That's how creepy he was.   I was very relieved to leave.  

All in all, it was not a thrilling evening (though, happily, 'Ice Age: Continental Drift' was not ruined for me).  But I did see again the importance of listening to those internal feelings that say, 'Dangerosity, get away' or, instead, 'This person is awesome.  Pay attention.'  And it confirmed that a polite smile, a clear answer and, if need be, a direct 'teacher look', can also do wonders in keeping Creepsville and all of its friends at bay. 

I sometimes think there is some loneliness to be found in casting such a withering gaze.  But I see again that it makes people question if they want to act like idiots in my vicinity.  I will not allow it for too long, and somehow, vaguely, they can tell.  And having a boundary for idiot behavior and making that clear really has made my life a lot more enjoyable. 

The upswing.  I am finding that for every 1 semi-creepy person out there, I am encountering 5 more interesting and authentic and fascinating people.  The odds for 'People make life interesting and beautiful' is in our favor, you guys.  Also, "I write myself into well being' really is a true thing for me.  I no longer have feelings of being creeped out by people watching and following me.

Cheers to writing, well being, and restful sleep during thunderstorms!