It is a very promising month for teachers.
In the first few years of teaching, this was different. I used to think of it as a ticking clock getting me ever closer to the things that I was inevitably marching into, ready or not. Sure, quiet, and carefully restrained panic also kept company with any major thought I had about curriculum. There is so much for teachers to learn about just keeping pace with their day, themselves, and the students. It comes to you like a tidal wave and I think you just learn to go with it.
Fake it until you make it. Smile when you feel like folding, and keeping your nerve because you're the only adult in the room. And because you must. The thrill of teaching in the first few years is when you find out what bolsters you and that you really can be a battle-ax for all of the right reasons, and the good moment when students really learn something about life because you told them it was out there and they chose to look at it in their own hands.
But this summer there have been more contrasts in teaching. I've seen myself act like a real live grown up and then very much like a child again. I've been pushed to think about things I've not integrated in the classroom but the old familiar things that belong to my teaching style are not out of date or pushed away. I feel more rooted in the story of people in the past than ever before, but it opens me up of course to the many thousands of things I still don't know. I think with one side of my mind about teaching on one day, and the next, it's turned around to another pattern and structure. And these things hold hands and work together for good teaching.
But the biggest thing is that I used to be extremely worn out and now I'm excited again. I really like being a teacher, and now I remember why. At the end of June, yikes, watch out. My fascination in understanding people was at an all time low. I'd have said things that still sounded like myself, but I was blinking owlishly and trying to figure out what to think next. Reserves for teaching were low. Every teacher would agree.
Yesterday when Leigh and I were talking about Classical education, I said, "Now that I'm a teacher, I see it like this..." and I had an 'all moments' feeling out of nowhere that brought me back to the scope of my life so far. I stopped and said, "Oh my gosh, I'm a teacher, and I've wanted this for my entire life, and now I'm doing this." Leigh is gracious to hear all of these sidebars all of the time, by the way. It happens a lot when we talk about Latin and history. And Latin in history.
It's very humbling and eye opening to do the thing in life that you've always wanted to do. Of course when you see it from all angles as an adult, it's not always pristine or inspiring. I've accepted that. But yesterday the magic came back.
Then I heard this song on Pandora. How appropriately life always connects.
My favorite thing that Leigh said in this conversation yesterday was that she is going to be truly unapologetic about enjoying Latin this year. It's tough to teach middle school kids about Latin. But it sounds adventurous and resolute already and it's nice to see someone unapologetic about their passion.
I recently came across a quote that describes teenagers, and it is great because it was someone else describing what I always know I'm getting myself into. In case you're wondering what 'pert' means, I looked it up. It means that you're presumingly free in speech or conduct. And.....check. This is the perfect old-timey word for teenagers.
"The Pert age...is characterized by contradicting, answering back, liking to 'catch people out' (especially one's elders); and by the propounding of conundrums. It's nuisance value is extremely high."
- Dorothy Sayers
Disclaimer: I love middle school students. But this quote is still gratifying and mostly true.
I've been thinking of the beauty of Anne Shirley again this week. Why? Because August feels wistful every year with crickets and different weather and the impending season of fall. And it's my last chance to be introverted for an entire week if I want to and think the summer thoughts. Anne is a dreamy and faraway soul in all of the best ways that people forget to be. They're caught up in the small things, but she is always caught up in such beautiful things. That's why she's an inspiration.
In busier months, the characteristics of Anne books are welcome food for thought, but I decided I certainly can't teach like Anne. She is very much fictional and so is her teaching. And my job is very very real, and the students that need to gain certain skills are very much my responsibility this year. This attitude would just not do...
"Perhaps she had not succeeded in 'inspiring' any wonderful ambitions in her pupils, but she had taught them, more by her own sweet personality than by all her careful precepts, that it was good and necessary in the years that were before them to live their lives finely and graciously, holding fast to truth and courtesy and kindness, keeping aloof from all that savoured of falsehood and meanness and vulgarity. They were, perhaps, all unconscious of having learned such lessons; but they would remember and practice them long after they had forgotten the capital of Afghanistan and the dates of the Wars of the Roses."
- Lucy Maud Montgomery (from Anne of Avonlea)
It's a lovely thought. But if it stands alone, then I see this giving all accolades to her demeanor and diminishing the 'careful precepts' of her classroom. I have to be that someone for people, but I have to teach them too. The teacher's job is specific and layered. So 'careful precepts' must live next to my words about what kind of person they become, or I'm not doing my job.
I do believe that in the end the students will remember very little about Genghis Khan or the dynasties of imperial China in 30 years. I believe they will remember the things we talk about when I am kind and stay human and hold them to a high standard. The funny things that happen in class live longest, and the fun in seeing each other down the road and reliving good memories? That's more real.
And it's teaching me already because it's already happening with students I had in my first year of teaching. Those people are showing me their drivers license pictures now. And then we don't talk about Genghis Khan or Chinese dynasties. They come back to talk about the things that riled everyone up. We talk about the times when someone climbed too high up in the tree at Pioneer Park and I was yelling at them (and praying for them to not get seriously hurt while I was in charge), or the day I ditched a lesson and we had a snowball fight outside instead.
Another contrast in teaching is shining through to me these days too. I am remembering again that you have to stay human and be ridiculous and forthright and alive right where you are. And you have to work really hard to help develop people into who they are becoming. The second part is incredibly weighty. The first part is incredibly fun.
So, outside of Anne of Avonlea, and in addition to the beautiful things that Anne is all about, there must be intelligent intention about teaching. 'Careful precepts' are important too. Very important! And now, in August, I am feeling that blending these old plans and new goals with the soundtrack of crickets outside the window is the very best thing.
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