Thursday

Sometimes Thursday nights are difficult for me.  And on nights like this, I have to be kind to myself.  I know it's odd, but it's akin to what others feel on Sunday night, and it's gross. 

Here's what happens.  My mind is tired, and my self is looking for ways to relax and still maintain momentum until Friday.  I refuse to do shoddy work or coast on Friday at school.  So where does the tired go?  It goes to Thursday.  My mind either shuts down completely and I feel delirious by 5 pm, or it races so that I feel a need to talk about everything in the entire world. I can see it so clearly, and it's annoying.

There's more.  I slow down on Thursdays because I refuse to be a martyr for teaching.  I like it too much, and I don't want to be a total drip about something I try to do well every day.   So I HAVE to stop and take care of myself.  People love to be total drips about things they secretly love.  Why?  Why not just rest a little and THEN continue on?  I suppose it's because you pretty quickly get to the bigger question of 'Why are you doing this work in the first place?'  And sometimes people don't want to answer that.  




One of my friends at school calls this attitude about work 'competing in misery'.  That idea that you have to prove how much suffering found its way into your work so that you're more accomplished in your field than anyone else.  I feel grateful that I work with people who generally don't find value in this sort of competition.  Life is too short for that small way of thinking anyway.  It's bold to say that, but I think it's true.  Living like that is playing small. And also opting out of a lot of the good things you could be BECAUSE your work lives in your bones each day.

I was quiet and still tonight, and then out of nowhere (hello, Thursday evening) I suddenly remembered that I really did witness a lot of sad things this week, and I replayed how some things happened.  I remembered the unexpected good things in the story of my life.  I took a second look at situations or people and saw more.  Or I remembered that I DIDN'T have certain conversations with people.  Namely my friends who are generous enough to call and inquire about my life.  

It's been a week that has sailed along at a terrific pace. 

Then tonight I heard another great song.  It was timely because it's Thursday and I needed it.  It was also timely because the gist of the song is from a quote by Julian of Norwich.  And I just talked about Norwich today because of a play I had my students read about the Magna Carta.  (Was I winging that lesson?  Yes. Definitely.  Note to self: Learn more about the Magna Carta.)

Julian of Norwich said, 'All will be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.'  Good news for Thursday evenings. 

 The tone of this quote is definitely in 'All Will Be Well' by the Gabe Dixon Band.  


The song said a few good things.  My favorite line was this.... "The new day dawns, and I am practicing my purpose once again."

That certainly rings true for what I like about Friday mornings after having semi-overwhelming Thursday evenings.  Later in the song, they also sing about being able to seize moments that are really still a giant mess.  I like that thought too.  You can do what you can with where you are. 

And that is good news for any day.  Cheers to a Thursday night of oversized purple sweatshirts, Parks and Rec (with Gabe Dixon Band songs infused into new episodes), and the silence after that to play the piano until again, all is well.