Yesterday I picked up on all of these millions of things in the hallway...when kids are passing through my door and turning around to find their next class and when they've got that lost look in their eyes.....and that's what made me tired at the end of the day. I witnessed so many things happening. And the super absorbency of my thought life eventually needed to shut down.
But the day worked. And now the school year is REALLY here.
So many people again. So many interesting, new, excited, completely freaked out, careworn, 'summer mode' children. They are back. We are all back to school.
The biggest thing for me every year is not what I say or how we manage to get from one room to the next, but the process of beginning to know each other again. Getting the kids' name right, saying something casual and dry and funny so they break out of that look that says, 'I am uncomfortable and rigid and don't know where to go.' Telling them about future familiar and constant things. Casually repeating my name over and over again so they know what it is. Lots of them are too afraid to ask and don't think to look at the board when they are that rigid in their chairs.
Beyond rigid, and there is, past the first day, so little of that.....they are back. Yesterday I felt great gratitude when I looked out at each class and remembered how much I like being with students. The middle works for me. It makes sense. I have a huge job ahead of me again, but I know that with a lot of prayer and simplicity and direct conversation and FUN, all will be well. And all manner of things shall be well. (Kudos to Julian of Norwich for saying such a modern thing for each age.)
I have learned how to say the kind and tender thing in one moment, and also when to shove them in the right direction with things like, 'Try that again. And this time don't blame your mom.' It is a delicate balance of elementary school play and high school bravado. And both are very important.
Most of all, best of all, and most thrilling too...I can already see growth and change in my 8th grade students. I was with them last year and witnessed their lack of organization and frustration and confusion and also their brilliance. And they are back. And some got a lot taller. And some are still waiting for that. And some sort of 'never before' confidence came back with them.
Soon, I imagine, this will manifest itself into a little cockiness too, and if it's aimed at a power struggle with yours truly, it will be shut down. But it made me realize that 8th grade is a big year for 'trying out new things'. Sometimes it scares me, what they are going to, and sometimes it makes me laugh. My favorite part of each day was watching them come back. I said casual things to them and smiled a lot. And some of them were shy and smiled a little but stared straight ahead. Sort of shy and proud and uncomfortable all at once.
But others looked right at me and smiled right back. 'Do you think that makes a teacher's heart beat fonder?' (That's what a guest speaker said to us last week, and I thought that was brilliant and poetic and old school too.)
One student in particular made the day. Nameless, here, of course. I have always felt a certain admiration for her because she is wonderful and so 'herself' and you can see it every day. She's not the most talkative in the class, but when she talks, people give her a little room, and they pay attention. I don't know if she can see that yet. But I think it's coming and it will be great fun to see it. Best of all, I think she has an imagination.
Yesterday when she walked through the door, she smiled at me. A really real and happy smile. I felt really glad to see her again, and I thought, 'This is the year of great confidence for her.'
I could see it. I think now she can see it too.
Now isn't that the very nicest thing?
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